A Hunter's Life
by IamAlionRawr
Summary: Hunting was the only thing that made sense these days. If he threw himself into his work then John didn't have to think about his kids growing up without a Mother. John/Mary. Drabble. COMPLETE.


**Title:** A Hunter's Life  
**Author:** IamAlionRawr  
**Fandom:** Supernatural  
**Character/Pairing:** John, Sam, Dean. John/Mary  
**Rating:** K+; brief swearing.  
**Word Count:** 687 Words.  
**Summary: **A reflection on the life of John Winchester.  
**Authors Notes/Disclaimer:** Supernatural belongs to those who actually have the rights, ie: not me. Please don't sue me, I just like writing. Just because I don't own Supernatural, however, does not mean you can steal this! Please respect the fact that I put a lot of work into this, and don't plagiarize me or I will send John after you. 

_Weapon_

John's hands were shaking as he received the gun from his Sergent; years later, after his discharge, it would, ironically, never stray far from his hands.

_Birth_

His wife lay exhausted and pale on the hospital bed, but she smiled down at the boy she tightly – but gently – clutched in her arms, as if she was afraid someone would snatch him away.

_Blaze_

John couldn't close his eyes without seeing the hungry flames lick up the walls, and around the edges of the ceiling.

_Coffee_

Papers were spread across the table, as he tried to find some answers to Mary's death. Blinking his eyes tiredly, he poured himself another glass of the bitter liquid.

_Turn Away_

Sam was Mary. He knew it from the moment the boy was born and it had been a happy blessing. Now, he thought of it as a curse, and couldn't bear to see the ghost of his wife in his son's eyes.

_Man_

"Pick up your shit, smarten up, and be a man, Dean!"

_Drain_

The blood from his first hunt disappears down the sink, and John feels like his whole soul is following it.

_Shame_

What would Mary think if she could see him now? Would she even recognize his hard eyes and weary face?

_Calling_

Hunting was the only thing that made sense these days. If he threw himself into his work then John didn't have to think about his kids growing up without a Mother.

_Wrecked_

Dean was the first thing he saw each and every time he came back from a hunt, but John never told him how much it meant to have someone waiting.

_Prayers_

He didn't ask God when he needed help, John asked Mary, his angel.

_Fragment_

The bottle fell out of his hands, it tumbled to the floor, his reflexes dulled by the alcohol. He had been whole once, though it was a distant memory. Now he was just like the green glass on the floor; broken.

_Dirty_

Even after a long, hot shower John could still smell the woman's perfume on his skin.

_Turn Away Cont._

It's easy for John to ignore that Dean comes home late at night drunk because he usually drunk too.

_Silence_

He doesn't say anything when Sam pointedly leaves the applications on the table. He crumples them up and toss them into the trash.

_Selfish_

"You never think about anybody but yourself!" Sam roared.

_Shame Cont._

John yelled back.

_Empty_

Sam was gone the next day, a note on the counter next to the box of rock salt.

_Blaze Cont._

John feels like he might be sick when Sam tells him how his girlfriend was killed.

_Crash_

His body rocketed in the seat as the truck slammed into the car. His second last thought before surrendering to the darkness was if his boys were okay. His last was a guilty prayer that he would be joining Mary.

_Apples_

The nurse checking his vitals smelled like apples, Mary used to smell like apples too.

_Man Cont._

It was Dean, lying in the hospital bed, who had been the real man all a long. John knew in his heart that he had never, nor would ever measure up to the man his son had become.

_Pride_

He wasn't ashamed by the tears, he was too proud of his sons to notice them at all. 

_Goodbye_

Dean recognized that this time when he walked out the the room, John wasn't coming back.

_Words_

John didn't know the exact meaning of the Latin that he chanted, he just knew that it felt empty.

_Confusion_  
Was he doing this for Dean, or was he doing this because he didn't want to live anymore? Maybe it was both, John frankly just didn't care anymore. 

_10: 41 AM_

His soul slipped out of the room, it was so _John _of him. Coming and going, Dean and Sam watching helplessly.

_Hell_

He could stand the torture and the pain, it was knowing that he would never be with Mary that made it truly Hell.


End file.
